The Adoption journey to self discovery is like an elastic band that snaps you back to the very beginning,

Preparing
For The Journey

Adoptions today are often described as “open” or “semi-open,” but the reality of searching for birth family is far more complex, when connection has been lost. While it might seem like you could simply “call each other up,” for most adult adoptees this journey is layered with years of missing information, sealed records, and emotional risk.

Many adoptees and birth relatives begin searching decades after separation, trying to make sense of a story that began without their voice or consent. This process often stirs a wide range of emotions—grief, guilt, anxiety, hope, anger, and relief—sometimes all at once. These responses are not wrong or excessive. They are real and valid.

For some, this emotional terrain is described by what psychologists and adoptees alike call the primal wound—the deep, lasting impact of being separated from one’s first family, often in infancy, before conscious memory. Even when adoption was necessary or came from good intentions, this early loss can leave lifelong traces on identity, trust, and belonging.

Even if adoptees have no conscious memory of their separation, the body and nervous system remember. Research into infant trauma and attachment has shown that babies are sensitive to voice, smell, and emotional connection from birth. The loss of a mother—or primary attachment figure—can register deeply, shaping patterns of emotional safety, attachment, and belonging later in life. Adoption may have been necessary in some circumstances, but the emotional impact remains, and it must be acknowledged, not minimised.

Are You Ready?

Before starting a search or approaching reunion, take time to reflect:

What are you hoping to find—truth, connection, healing?
What might happen if your search is incomplete, or not welcomed?
Are you emotionally supported for whatever the outcome may be?

Searching can be empowering, but it can also be destabilising. Preparing yourself emotionally is just as important as the practical steps.

Navigating the Emotional Landscape

Every journey is different. Some find deep healing; others uncover difficult truths or face silence. All these outcomes are valid.

Be kind to yourself at every stage.
Find people who get it—peer support can be vital.
Know that it’s okay to take breaks, set boundaries, and ask for help.

The system may not yet reflect the complexity of what adoption truly means across a lifetime, but that is changing. Adult adoptees are speaking out, supporting each other, and calling for reform. You are not alone, and your story matters.

Accessing Adoption Records

The Adoption Act 1976 marked a turning point for adoptee rights across the UK, following campaigning for the right to access birth records. Prior to this, Scottish adoptees already had access to their birth index under Scots Law. The 1976 legislation expanded these rights, allowing adoptees in all UK nations to request identifying birth information, and access personal records created before their adoption — including documents that may explain the reasons behind the adoption.

To learn more about navigating the emotional aspects of search and reunion, visit our Preparing for the Journey page.

Before you begin your adoption search,

take a moment to ask yourself:

What is my true hope for this search? Am I seeking answers, connection, or something else?
What kind of relationship do I want to build with the natural family member I may find? Am I ready for whatever that relationship might look like?
Do I have people I trust — friends, family, peers — who can support me emotionally through this journey and whatever comes after?
Am I prepared for the hardest possibilities — not finding who I’m searching for, or finding them but facing silence, rejection, or a reunion that doesn’t feel like I imagined?
How might my life change if I do reconnect? Will it bring healing, or might it reopen old wounds? Can I hold space for both?
Am I ready to accept if contact changes or ends again — if boundaries are set for reasons beyond my control?
Can I face the reality that the person I’m searching for might no longer be alive, or might be struggling in their own way?

This journey is deeply personal and sometimes unpredictable. Your feelings are valid, and your experience is your own. Taking the time to reflect on these questions can help you move forward with strength, self-awareness, and compassion.

Remember: You are not alone. Many have walked this path before you, and there is support to help you every step of the way.

Adoption Reunion: Navigating the

Journey with Care and Courage

Reunion and searching for birth family is a deeply personal and emotional path — one filled with hope, questions, and sometimes unexpected challenges. At SAAM, we understand that every adoptee’s journey is unique, and that reconnecting with birth family can bring joy as well as pain. This is why we want to share some truths and gentle advice to help you prepare, protect yourself, and honour your feelings along the way.

What You Need to Know — From One Adoptee to Another

You might not find who you’re searching for — and that’s okay.
Many of us begin with partial or limited information. Records can be sealed, redacted, or lost. This can feel like hitting walls, but please remember, you are not alone in this. Keep your personal documents safe, track your steps carefully, and don’t lose hope, but prepare your heart for the possibility that answers may be incomplete.

Not everyone shares your experience or feelings about reunion.
Adoption shapes each person differently. Your birth parents, adoptive family, and even extended relatives may feel fear, confusion, or grief in ways you cannot predict. It’s natural to want connection, but it’s also important to respect that others might need time or space, or may choose not to engage. This is not a reflection of your worth.

Approach reunion with patience and respect — for yourself and others.
If you find a birth relative, reaching out takes courage. Words matter. Take time to craft what you say, and prepare for all responses — from warmth to silence. Their silence or hesitation may stem from their own pain, not rejection of you.

Remember, adoption touches many lives beyond just you.
Your search can ripple through families, stirring old wounds and unspoken feelings. Your children, siblings, or grandparents might have their own stories and emotions connected to your journey. Prepare and protect them as you would yourself.

Most Important: Your Journey, Your Choice

You don’t have to search unless you truly want to. Your story is yours to tell, and your identity is whole — with or without reunion. There’s no right or wrong way to be an adoptee.

Allow yourself to feel whatever comes — joy, fear, disappointment, or hope. Talk to others who have walked this path; find trusted support in friends, adoptee groups, or counsellors. Their shared experiences can be a lifeline when the road feels uncertain.

Foster Babies Never Stop Grieving Their Birth Mothers

A Reflection by Stacey Jackson Gagnon

Have you ever witnessed a newborn grieve loss?
Or a six-month-old?

For many years, I did not recognize grief in the foster babies who came through my home. I thought these babies, taken from difficult circumstances, wouldn’t understand loss—because in my home, they were gaining safety, love, and care.

But I now understand that foster care and adoption begin with loss: the loss of the known.

While in the womb, a child and mother are one—connected through every sense: taste, smell, touch, sound, and sight. At birth, this unity is broken, but the baby still knows the mother’s smell, voice, and touch.

Then imagine this mother is suddenly gone. She is replaced by a stranger with a new face, new touch, new routine. The baby is left wondering:

Where has my mother gone? Why was I left with someone unknown?

I was that unknown mother once—I did not recognize this grief.

Every baby I held still remembered their birth mother. Grief was not lessened by my care, my family, or my words—it was held quietly in the space of everyday moments.

And slowly, over time, I became known too.

Babies remember.

We share Stacey’s words to honour the deep and often unseen grief experienced by foster and adopted children. At the Scottish Adult Adoptee Movement (SAAM), we recognise that understanding this grief is vital to respecting adoptees’ journeys and advocating for their rights, identity, and healing.

Helping Make Sense
Of The Journey

Adoptee have brought together some the best resourses, tools and support to create the SAAM Tool Kit