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The Adoption journey to self discovery is like an elastic band that snaps you back to the very beginning, 

A Lifelong Impact

of Adoption

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Adoption is often spoken about as a “new beginning” — but for adoptees, it’s never just a clean slate. It begins with loss. And that loss doesn't disappear with time; it changes shape, moves with us, and resurfaces across our lives — in our identity, relationships, health, and sense of belonging.

Too often, the public narrative focuses on gratitude, rescue, or reunion. But what’s left out is the truth that adoptees carry:
🧠 The confusion.
🫀 The grief.
🪞The questions.
🌒 The silence.

This page explores how adoption impacts us — not just as children, but as adults, partners, parents, and elders. It's here to honour what’s often unspoken, and to affirm that your experience matters, even if it was never acknowledged.

We’ve gathered reflections, insights, and resources from adoptees and allies to help validate your story and support your healing. Wherever you are in your journey, you are not alone.

🧠 The Mental Health Impact of Adoption

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Society often frames adoption as a happy ending — but for many adoptees, the story is far more complex.

Adoptees may live with unresolved trauma, identity fragmentation, emotional severance, and deep feelings of disconnection. Even when relinquishment happens at birth and cannot be consciously remembered, as therapist Paul Sunderland explains, the trauma can still be neurologically and emotionally recalled. The severing of that first attachment — to the birth mother — leaves an imprint.

Experts such as Dr. Gabor Maté, known for his work on trauma and addiction, have described adoption as a form of invisible displacement — not always marked by visible harm, but by a profound and lifelong loss of connection, genetic mirroring, and origin. He discussed this during the ACEs Awareness Conference in Scotland (2019), highlighting how trauma may be held in the body long after memory has gone.

Mental health challenges in adoptees are common, not rare, and yet we remain largely invisible in research and statistics. Despite being overrepresented in mental health and suicide data — as recognised by groups like The OLLIE Foundation — adoptees are often left out of government strategies, funding, and safeguarding policies.

Many adoptees are also misdiagnosed or misunderstood. What may be labelled as ADHD, borderline personality disorder, or anxiety can often stem from attachment trauma, disenfranchised grief, or identity confusion. The system too often medicates what it does not understand, as explored in the Substack article “Adoption – Mislabeled, Medicated and Misunderstood.”

Adoptees come from diverse backgrounds — some from birth separation, others from foster care or kinship breakdown — but many share a common struggle to access informed, compassionate care.

You are not alone. More adoptees, professionals, and researchers are speaking up and calling for a trauma-informed, adoptee-centred approach to mental health.

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📚 Mental Health + Trauma Resources for Adoptees

🎥 Paul Sunderland – Adoption and Addiction
A powerful talk on how unresolved adoption trauma can manifest as addiction.
👉 Watch on YouTube

🎤 Dr. Gabor Maté – Trauma & Disconnection
Explores adoption and trauma at the ACEs Scotland 2019 conference.
👉 Watch ACEs Awareness Talk

📖 Substack – Adoption: Mislabeled, Medicated and Misunderstood
A searing look at how adoptee trauma is misdiagnosed and often ignored.
👉 Read on Substack

🌱 Thriving Adoptees with Simon Benn
Conversations with adoptees, therapists, and professionals around healing and growth.
👉 Listen to Thriving Adoptees

🧠 PAC-UK – Mental Health Support
Specialist counselling, advice, and therapeutic support for adopted people.
👉 Visit PAC-UK

🧩 The OLLIE Foundation
Suicide prevention and wellbeing support for young people — including adoptees.
👉 Visit The OLLIE Foundation

🧾 NHS – Complex PTSD (CPTSD) Overview
Guidance on CPTSD symptoms, causes, and treatment.
👉 Read NHS CPTSD Info

✂️Severance and Displacement

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and the Adoptee Brain

During a traumatic event, the brain is primed to protect — not to process. It responds reflexively, focused on survival.

But that same defence mechanism can also trap us in cycles of hypervigilance, shutdown, or dissociation — long after the threat is gone.

For adoptees, the trauma of severance often happened before memory — yet its imprint remains. Even if we cannot remember it, our bodies and brains recall what was lost.

“You don’t need to remember the trauma for it to remember you.”
— Adapted from Paul Sunderland

🌱 The Hidden Legacy

Trauma Beyond “Successful” Adoptions

Even the most “successful” adoptions carry trauma beneath the surface.
Adoptees are four times more likely than non-adopted peers to attempt suicide, and face higher risks of substance abuse and addiction.

Adoption means a child is separated from their biological parents — a profound loss that many positive narratives overlook. This silence leaves many adoptees feeling flawed, without understanding the deep and lifelong effects adoption can have.

“52 Empty Seats” by Josie O’Pearse
This powerful and heartfelt essay reflects on the enduring impact of loss and absence in adoption, capturing the silent spaces left behind in family stories. A moving read for anyone seeking to understand the deep emotional layers adoptees often carry.
Read the full article here

🧬 Identity and the Adopted Self

Adoptees often face unique challenges in forming their identity. Without access to their biological family’s stories, preferences, and history, they may feel a gap in understanding who they truly are.

Nancy Verrier, in her seminal book The Primal Wound, explains how the trauma of separation from birth parents creates a deep, often invisible wound — an emotional loss that impacts adoptees at their core. This primal wound shapes adoptees’ lifelong search for belonging and self-understanding.

As Verrier describes in Coming Home to Self, adoptees must navigate the difficult journey of reclaiming their origins and integrating their true identity, despite the pain and confusion caused by adoption.

This missing information can lead to feelings of confusion, shame, guilt, and unresolved grief. Many adoptees develop coping strategies—sometimes becoming overly compliant or, conversely, confrontational—to feel safe and avoid rejection.

A secure sense of self is deeply tied to knowing one’s origins. Without that connection, identity development can be a complex and ongoing journey for adoptees.

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“The primal wound is a loss that never heals, but healing begins when adoptees start to understand and embrace their true story.”
— Nancy Verrier, The Primal Wound

👥 Genetic Mirroring: Seeing Ourselves in Others

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Genetic mirroring is the natural human process of recognizing ourselves in others through shared physical traits, behaviors, and emotional responses. For adoptees, this connection is often missing or hidden, leaving a gap in how they understand themselves.

From infancy, children instinctively seek resemblance in their caregivers and family—in appearance, temperament, and emotional cues. This mirroring helps build identity, emotional security, and self-understanding.

Without access to biological family or genetic mirroring, adoptees can struggle with feelings of disconnection and identity confusion. The absence of genetic reflection may intensify feelings of difference, loneliness, and loss.

Psychologists and adoptee advocates highlight that genetic mirroring is a key factor in healthy identity formation. Its absence can leave adoptees feeling unmoored, contributing to emotional and psychological challenges.

Voices and Research

  • Adoption psychologist Dr. Gail Steinberg emphasizes the vital role of genetic connection in developing a stable sense of self.

  • Many adoptees share stories of a deep longing to “see themselves” in their birth families through memoirs and community forums.

  • Discovering biological relatives often brings adoptees a sense of validation and self-recognition they had previously missed.

⚠️ Adults: Addiction, Self-Sabotage & Self-Harm

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Many adoptees face complex emotional struggles as adults, including addiction, self-sabotage, and self-harm. These behaviors often stem from unresolved trauma, feelings of abandonment, and identity struggles linked to early severance and loss.

Research into care-experienced adults shows similar patterns, with trauma responses manifesting in ways that can harm mental and physical wellbeing. Adoptees, like many who have faced early trauma, may turn to substances or self-injury as coping mechanisms when healthy support is lacking.

Adoptee voices frequently highlight the deep pain behind these behaviors — expressions of grief, anger, or attempts to regain control over lives that once felt chaotic and disconnected.

“The addiction wasn’t the problem — it was a symptom of a deeper wound I wasn’t allowed to name or grieve.” — Adopted writer on Substack

“Self-harm was a way I could physically feel control when my identity and past felt like a void.” — personal testimony from adoptee blog

Understanding and healing require trauma-informed, compassionate approaches. Support services and healthcare providers must recognize the unique history and needs of adoptees to offer effective care and help break harmful cycles.

Resources for Support and Healing

  • NHS Mental Health Services — Comprehensive support including counselling for trauma, addiction, and self-harm

  • NHS Addiction Services — Access to addiction treatment and recovery programs

  • PAC-UK — Adoption-specialist counselling and therapeutic support

  • The OLLIE Foundation — Suicide prevention and mental wellbeing support, particularly for young people and vulnerable adults

  • Substack: The Real Adoptee — Powerful personal essays and reflections on addiction and healing from adoptee perspectives

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🔄 Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA)

When adoptees reunite with close biological family members after long separations, they may experience intense and sometimes confusing emotional and physical feelings. This phenomenon is known as Genetic Sexual Attraction (GSA).

GSA arises because early childhood bonding and attachment—usually formed through touch, smell, and proximity—were missed. The absence of shared family experiences can make these emotions harder to understand and manage. While feelings of closeness are natural, GSA can lead to challenges that require awareness and support.

Key points about GSA:

  • It is a natural response to lost early bonds and missing connections.

  • It can create strong emotional and physical attractions that may feel overwhelming.

  • Open communication, preparation before reunion, and professional support can help manage these complex feelings.

  • Meeting in public and engaging in shared activities can foster healthy relationships during reunions.

For more detailed information and guidance, please visit Cumbria County Council’s resource on Genetic Sexual Attraction:
Cumbria County Council - Genetic Sexual Attraction PDF

🎒 Education & School Awareness Matters

Adoptees often enter school with no awareness from teachers or peers of their unique experiences. Unlike foster care—increasingly supported by schools—adult adoptees have never had their needs recognised or understood in educational settings. As a result, many grow up feeling unseen, misunderstood, or “just different.”

📚 PAC‑UK’s Adopted in School: Understanding the Needs of Adopted Young People is a groundbreaking resource. It features the voices of adopted children and parents sharing what school felt like—and offers clear steps schools can take to become more trauma‑informed and inclusive pac-uk.org+5pac-uk.org+5pac-uk.org+5.

PA C‑UK also provides:

  • Training for teachers and school staff to recognise attachment and trauma in the classroom

  • Guides to help schools develop adoption‑friendly policies, including mental health and attainment supports reddit.com+8pac-uk.org+8pac-uk.org+8

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🏴 Scottish Advocacy

In Scotland, professionals like Gerry Dimond have been working to raise awareness of adoption’s emotional impact in schools and local authorities. His work supports the call for trauma‑informed understanding—not just for children, but for adult adoptees who never received this support.

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📊 We’re Still Unseen

  • Adopted young people are nearly twice as likely to be permanently excluded and often attend school with unmet support needs .

  • Many adopted adults report feeling invisible, having never received even basic recognition of adoption trauma during their education .

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🔧 What Can Be Done?

  • Schools: Implement PAC‑UK’s training, nomination of Designated Teachers or equivalent roles, and trauma‑aware policies

  • Adoptees & Families: Discuss your history at the point of admission; ask for support plans like Pupil Premium Plus (England)

  • Policy: Campaign for adoption‑aware education standards across UK nations

📌 Quick Resources

⚖️ Legal Rights to Birth Identity & Medical Records

Adoptees have specific legal rights that differ from those of both their adoptive and birth relatives. These rights allow them to uncover and understand their pre-adoption identity and health history—something many adult adoptees are never informed about or supported through.

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📍 What You’re Entitled To

  • Original Birth Identity
    Adoptees in the UK have the right to request access to their original birth certificate and name (pre-adoption) through official court or records services. This is a legal entitlement, not dependent on the consent of others.

  • Access to Medical & Adoption Records
    Adoptees can also request their adoption records and any related pre-adoption medical information, which may be essential for health and identity.

    🔗 NHS Scotland – Health Records and Your Rights
    🔗 PCSE England – Adoption Medical Records Practice Guide (2024)

    These documents explain the process for GPs, support staff, and adoptees across the UK when handling adopted individuals’ medical history—especially when birth records and post-adoption NHS files are separate.

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🗣️ “It’s not just information. It’s our health, our past, and our right to know.”

🔐 Why It Matters

  • Adoptees aren’t starting from zero — we’re starting from a system that erased us.

  • Medical risk factors often run in families — adoptees deserve equal knowledge and preventative care.

  • Health rights are human rights — and adoptees are too often left behind.

Let us know if you’d like this turned into a downloadable info sheet or paired with a visual timeline of rights access by decade.

👨‍👩‍👧 Adoptees as Parents: Challenges & Healing

Becoming a parent can awaken deep feelings tied to one’s adoption—fears, grief, identity questions—but also offer healing, connection, and purpose.

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⚠️ Common Challenges

  • Reawakening Adoption‑Related Trauma
    A University of East Anglia study found adoptees often revisit early adoption loss when becoming parents—a time filled with joy and emotional triggers reddit.com+9sciencedaily.com+9washingtonpost.com+9thedunbarproject.org.uknewyorker.com+2basw.co.uk+2verywellmind.com+2.

  • Fear of Repeating Patterns
    Many adoptees worry about inheriting abandonment tendencies from biological parents. Some even fear losing their own child to care—anxiety confirmed by research showing a minority of adoptees lose custody .

  • Attachment & Identity Struggles
    Pregnancy and bonding moments—like breastfeeding—can intensify separation grief. One adoptee described a “mini emotional storm” at first birth, feeling torn between joy and sorrow .

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🌱 Healing & Connection

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🎤 Real Voices from Adoptee Parents

“Holding my newborn brought a tidal wave of love—but also raw grief I hadn’t known was there.” reddit.com+1reddit.com+1
“Seeing my child in the mirror of my genes made me feel both incomplete and entirely whole.” thedunbarproject.org.uk+3journals.sagepub.com+3theparentingpro.com+3

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🛠️ What Support Helps

  • Adoption-Informed Therapy — Specialized support that understands adoptee history can ease the transition apnews.com+5basw.co.uk+5teenvogue.com+5.

  • Peer Support Networks — Talking with other adoptee parents reduces isolation and builds collective insight.

  • Parenting Resources — Services like PANDA (perinatal mental health), NCT, and adoption-specific courses can offer tailored guidance.

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📝 Quick Tips for Adoptee Parents

  • Acknowledge the emotional complexity—get ready for both joy and unpredictability.

  • Seek adoption-aware counselling early—avoid crises before they happen.

  • Connect with other adoptee parents—shared experience is healing.

  • Celebrate the gift of connection—becoming a parent is an incredible opportunity for growth, love, and rewriting your story.

💉 DES & Forced Adoption: A Historical Scandal

Between the 1940s and late 1970s, thousands of unmarried mothers in the UK—including Scotland—were prescribed Diethylstilbestrol (DES), a synthetic hormone, to suppress lactation and “help” with childbirth. This was often done within mother-and-baby homes, where many mothers were coerced into giving up their babies for adoption youtube.com+9itv.com+9thenewfeminist.co.uk+9.

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📌 Why DES Matters

🛡️ The Call for Justice

Advocates and survivors—including the Movement for an Adoption Apology (MAA)—are campaigning for:

  1. A UK-wide public inquiry into DES's use in adoption settings

  2. A formal government apology for forced adoption policies

  3. A dedicated screening and compensation scheme for victims sundaypost.com+1itv.com+1caitlinmccarthy.com+1jacksonlees.co.uk+1jacksonlees.co.uk

In Scotland, former First Minister Nicola Sturgeon has since acknowledged DES in a historic apology, acknowledging the harm caused caitlinmccarthy.com.

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🎙️ Watch & Read More

  • 🎥 ITV News: Forced Adoption – Britain’s Silent Scandal
    Examines the DES scandal and its lasting legacy.
    👉 Watch the ITV documentary

  • 📰 The Scotsman – “Forgotten Scots made to give babies up for adoption in 1960s”
    A revealing history of forced adoptions in Scotland.
    👉 Read the article

  • 🎥 The Scotsman – DES and ITV Drama coverage
    Highlights the new ITV drama on DES and serial killer Dennis Nilsen.
    👉 Read more

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📝 Why It Matters for Adoptees

  • Medical consequences: Many adoptees and mothers carry hidden health risks linked to DES exposure.

  • Forced adoption trauma: The connection between DES use and coerced adoptions amplifies the emotional and legal injustice.

  • Historical erasure: Poor record-keeping left many women and children without answers or redress.

  • Pathway to healing: A full inquiry and public apology are essential for validation and recovery.

🏚️ Homelessness & Incarceration: The Perilous Gap Beyond Adoption

Adoptees, especially those who have been in care, often face a heightened risk of homelessness and criminal justice involvement—yet they remain largely invisible in mainstream housing and justice conversations.

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📊 What the Evidence Shows

  • According to Who Cares? Scotland, care-experienced young people are at much greater risk of homelessness, often leaving care into temporary or insecure housing bbc.com+5whocaresscotland.org+5theferret.scot+5.

  • From 2021–2024, 37% of issues raised with advocacy services by over‑16s involved housing—revealing repeated cases of homelessness or severe housing distress .

  • Scotland recently recorded its highest level of households in temporary accommodation in over two decades: 16,330 households at the end of March 2024—a 50% climb since 2019 thetimes.co.uk.

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⚖️ Justice and Invisibility

While research specifically on adoptee incarceration is limited, care leavers—many of whom were adopted as children—are consistently overrepresented in prison and youth justice systems. The lack of adoption-aware transition support leaves many unprepared for independence, increasing risk factors .

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🚨 Policy Gaps & Promises Unfulfilled

  • Despite the Promise Bill and expanded continuing care up to age 26, progress has been slow—leaving many care leavers exposed bbc.co.uk+4bbc.com+4alliance-scotland.org.uk+4.

  • Homelessness prevention guidance requires young care leavers to be housed before they are formally homeless—but delays and unsafe placements still occur gov.scot+1theferret.scot+1.

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🛠 What Needs to Change

  • Trauma-Informed Housing: Provide supported housing pathways and avoid placing young care leavers in unsuitable hostel or B&B settings gov.scot+15gov.scot+15gov.scot+15.

  • Longer-Term Support: Fully implement continuing care and aftercare policies up to age 26, including dedicated housing pathways and financial support gov.scot+2gov.scot+2gov.scot+2.

  • Data & Recognition: Collect disaggregated data to understand the experiences of adoptees in homelessness and justice systems.

  • Policy Accountability: Scottish Government must follow through on investment and hold local authorities accountable for rising homelessness reddit.com+4thetimes.co.uk+4reddit.com+4.

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🔗 Further Reading & Actions

Helping Make Sense
Of The Journey

Adoptee have brought together some the best resourses, tools and support to create the SAAM Tool Kit 

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